Posted in Humor, Lifestyle, Scott Lahti, World, tagged food shortages, panics on December 23, 2009 | 1 Comment »
Forwarded conversation
Subject: Hey, need to kick off the new year with a new panic?
————————
From: Jeff S.
It’s hard to top this.
*****2010 Food Crisis for Dummies*****
by Eric deCarbonnel
If you read any economic, financial, or political analysis for 2010 that doesn’t mention the food shortage looming next year, throw it in the trash, as it is worthless. [...]
Posted in Family, Humor, Patrick, tagged Holiday, Misc, women on December 23, 2009 | 2 Comments »
I pray that God would stop my heart, should I even become this much of a dolt:
I was visiting my father in New York. My brother, my male best friend, and my father’s sensei were also at the house. I wondered if they would have survived at all without me and our dutiful daily housekeeper. [...]
Posted in Humor, Media, Truth Excavator on December 20, 2009 | 14 Comments »
This immature and out of control cop, who is not in uniform, brandishes a gun at group of kids who are just enjoying a little winter weather, proving that cops are more likely to be scared sissies than heroes.
What’s alarming is that this is pretty representative of how a small issue can be turned into [...]
Posted in Humor, Language, Nature, Scott Lahti, Self, Technology, tagged e-mails, snow on December 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dean Speir
In the wake of this weekend’s epic blizzard, a gun-dealer friend of ours from the Hamptons, on the south shore of Suffolk County on eastern Lon Guyland writes:
And what to our wondrous eyes did appear this morning? More snow!
We’re so completely under here on East Main, that failing a drastic temperature inversion ‘tween now [...]
Posted in Humor, tagged animals on December 18, 2009 | 13 Comments »
I know what you’re thinking, presuming you think in English – “Birds are pretty and they sing nice songs!” Yeah, sometimes. It’s time for a little lesson in reality, my internet friend. The truth is, birds are the biggest jerks in the animal kingdom. These are some facts about birds:
1) They shit EVERYWHERE, ANY [...]
Posted in Arts, Gods, Health Care, Humor, Language, Law, Lifestyle, Man, Media, Nature, Science, Scott Lahti, Sex, Woman, World, tagged albinos, Arnold Schwarzenegger, billboards, Christianity, cows, earthquakes, geology, gynecology, hedgehogs, monkeys, New Zealand, orgasms, Switzerland, taekwondo on December 17, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Though we’re happy to report we’ve cut back on our habit of scanning the NYT Most E-Mailed stories lists from daily to monthly, we may have to replace them on the daily front with those from the Daily Telegraph from across the pond, if the headers there scanned just now, each its own Onion lookalike, [...]
Posted in Arts, Education, Humor, Language, Scott Lahti, Technology, tagged pornography, internet filters, e-mail, Horniman Museum on December 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
In 2004 the museum encountered problems receiving emails due to the modern connotations of its name confusing pornography filters. – Wikipedia on the Horniman Museum.
Porn filters have a field day on Horniman Museum
Ooooh, matron!
By Lester Haines
Regular readers will know that we at El Reg studiously avoid reporting the sort of linguistic mishaps which result in [...]
Posted in Humor, MI, War on December 16, 2009 | 2 Comments »
(Source)
(Source)
When I saw the second image last year, it got me wondering where I’d seen that line before. Then I remembered: aboard Al Asad airbase in Iraq, on the wall of a building occupied by Marines, someone had thoughtfully tacked on a number of Marine bumper stickers. One of them was similar to that shown [...]
Posted in Culture, Franklin Evans, Humor, tagged bumper stickers on December 16, 2009 | 5 Comments »
This is the first in an occasional attempt to spread some smiles during a time of day that is generally devoid of such things: My 30-mile drive to or from work. I’ll post a recent bumper sticker I’ve seen that caused me to smile or gave me a chuckle. Readers are invited to contribute others, [...]
Posted in Arts, Humor, Scott Lahti, tagged Comedy Central, standup comedy on December 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Standup snippets run this afternoon on Comedy Central:
Being a geek, I always had trouble talking to girls, I’d always have more than one thing ready to say, then mix them up – like I’d be thinking, “Take it easy” and “See ya later”, and it would come out as “Take ya later…”
Then I’d especially have [...]
Posted in Family, Humor, Patrick, Politics, Self, tagged Misc on December 13, 2009 | 11 Comments »
Yes, I am still around. I am still arguing with socialist fools and with the leftists who claim to be Conservative.
I take a rather perverse pleasure in watching their heads explode, when I speak the truth about them.
It is to laugh; one must laugh to remain sane in this hour of darkness.
I find myself now [...]
Posted in Community, Ethics, Family, Humor, Steve S., tagged Family on December 11, 2009 | 1 Comment »
Teenage Son Logic:
Dad-”Should you be eating those cookies? Maybe Mother intended them as a gift for someone.”
Son-”If she didn’t want us to eat them, she wouldn’t have left them where we can find them.”
Father Logic:
Dad- “I’d better have some too then. I wouldn’t want you to get [...]
Posted in Arts, Humor, Lifestyle, Media, Scott Lahti, tagged contests, magazines, restaurants on December 10, 2009 | 1 Comment »
Fifty-One Gravies To Please Your Man
[tip: Katherine Mangu-Ward, reason]
Chez Cosmo, Slate’s Plates, and seven more restaurants based on magazines. Plus, a reader contest to create your own magazine eatery.
By Justin Peters
Rolling Stone is about to take a leap into the entertainment industry, starting with a large-scale restaurant and nightclub in Hollywood. Owners of [...]
Posted in Arts, Commerce, Cyberia, Humor, Private, Public, Scott Lahti, Technology, tagged Eric Schmidt, Google, Nathan Thurm, privacy on December 7, 2009 | 1 Comment »
If you have something that you don’t want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. – Eric Schmidt.
Google CEO: Secrets Are for Filthy People
Maybe it’s YOU – did you ever think of THAT? – Nathan Thurm.
Posted in Arts, Humor, Man, Scott Lahti, Woman, tagged dishwashing, hangnails, laziness, Roseanne, situation comedies on December 6, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Entertainment Weekly
I’d love to help with the dishes, Hon, but I’ve got a nasty hangnail, and it’s gonna smart like hell in that soapy water.
- Dan Conner (John Goodman) to wife Roseanne (Roseanne Arnold, then), Roseanne, “Mommy Nearest“, 6 October 1992 (Season 5, Episode 4)
Posted in Arts, Commerce, Humor, Language, Nation, Scott Lahti, tagged euphemism, finance, Harry Shearer on December 6, 2009 | 1 Comment »
One of the most venerable of Hollywood comedians, who got his start on The Jack Benny Program playing Benny as a boy and a character named Harry Beaver – before a guest spot on Leave It to Beaver itself – writes this week in London’s most venerable left-wing weekly on the coincident rise of euphemism [...]
Posted in Arts, Humor, Man, Science, Scott Lahti, Sex, Woman, tagged cave art, pornography, turkeys on December 4, 2009 | 3 Comments »
All men watch porn, scientists find [tip: Robert F., email "Dog Bites Man"]
Scientists at the University of Montreal launched a search for men who had never looked at pornography – but couldn’t find any.
Daily Telegraph: Researchers were conducting a study comparing the views of men in their 20s who had never been [...]
Posted in Arts, Health Care Proposals, Humor, Lifestyle, Man, Scott Lahti, Sex, Woman, tagged Buck Henry, buffets, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, food, Plato's Retreat, swing clubs on December 2, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Much like the laughing Butch Cassidy reminded Sundance that the latter’s absent prowess in swimming was as nothing compared to the force of their imminent vertiginous plunge into the river, Jacob Sullum reminds us, in “Orgies for the Masses” in reason, that since it’s not the sex that’ll kill you, it’s [...]
Posted in Family, Humor, Steve S. on November 26, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Your wife turns on the patio lights for it when it goes outside.
Steve
Posted in Arts, Humor, Lifestyle, Media, Mind, Scott Lahti, Technology, tagged psychic phenomena on November 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
*Lew Harper (Paul Newman) to bartender, early scene in Harper (1966)
Shortly after installing today Google Desktop, which enables pop-up news alerts, we were reading this passage about Kurt Vonnegut in an article “Writing about Writers” in The American Scholar -
as a German prisoner of war, he survived the Allied firebombing of Dresden by huddling in [...]
Posted in Humor, Language, Scott Lahti, World, tagged Michelle Obama, Google, Hot Girls, Engrish, Chinglish on November 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
*Inscription on box, Chinese-restaurant wall-scroll calendar, c. late 1990s
From Offensive Michelle Obama image removed:
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., Nov. 25 (UPI) — A blog that ran a photograph of U.S. first lady Michelle Obama altered to make her appear ape-like removed the image Wednesday, the Los Angeles Times reported.
The distorted image created an international furor after it [...]
Posted in Humor, Man, Scott Lahti, Sex, Technology, Woman, tagged phishing, spam on November 25, 2009 | 1 Comment »
It likes me – the Anonymous Spambot really likes me!
From the phish-nets, the Cache of the Day (recipient email address changed to highspeed monoGrammy-winning nom d’Aleksandreia); for background on this particularly-worded scam, see here:
From: Your secret admirer <if@roundsilent.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 9:01 AM
Subject: I have a crush
To: DSL.
This is very hard for me [...]
Posted in Arts, Humor, Language, Scott Lahti, tagged Chekhov, Gore Vidal, Jonathan Swift on November 23, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Literary peanuts from The Spectator:
British novelist Anita Brookner in “Christmas Books: I” in The Spectator:
My absolute favourite is a reprint: Janet Malcolm’s Reading Chekhov. A Critical Journey (Granta, £8.99) which comes prefaced with a memorable Chekhovian observation: ‘What torture it is to cut the nails on your right hand!’
Surprising literary ventures
Wednesday, 7th October 2009
Gary Dexter
Death [...]
