Car bears should be ursine and not hard

From the Actual Commercials for Actually-Named Products for Apparently Actual People file – why, you remember president Tiddy Roosevelt, don’t you?

[Tip: Wildest TV Show Moments on E!]

Reader Mark, via private email list:

Ooh, soft and cuddly indeed.

Well, I guess it’s up to us to come up with the name for the battery-operated comfort attachment for the lap belt.

DSL.:

First, departing from the stuffed-animal aspect: Lap Flap, Belt Felt, Seat Treat, Click It Up a ‘natch, Chevy Masturban, That’s What She’s Head…

Keeping with the stuffed-animal-with-name-reworked-as-anatomical-double-entendre after “Tiddy Bear”: Foxin’ Friend (unit embedded in stuffed fox), Busy Buzzbuzz (bee), Buzzy Beaver, Froggy McRibbit aka The Catch Her on the Fly, Every Body Loves Ray Moana (stingray), The Purrmaid (half-cat, half-mermaid), Rock-It Horse, The YES! Deer (w/attachment rack), Her Friend Flicka (stallion)…

Mark:

Strap-On!  Strap-Off!

Also featured on Wildest TV Show Moments on E!,  a so-bad-it’s-good Martian-themed spot* for Martin Fine Furniture of Indianapolis,

*E! segment host: If the Martians there have landed on Earth, why is the guy defending us from them wearing a space suit?

with YouTube shivering the Martins’ timbered stock in pirate mode,

and an in-store Wild West shootout

that suggests  Benny Hill in rootin’ tootin’ relaxed-fit dude-ranch chaps, Pecos Bill/Frito Bandito sendups, and set-piece neckerchiefed banditry upon the genteel out of The Great Train Robbery.