*Apologies to Wang Chung, Lin Tai Yu, and a cast of 1,500,000,000, too
BEIJING, CHINA – AUGUST 8 : Chinese couples kiss after registering to get married today, which is considered one of the luckiest days of the year August 8, 2008 in Beijing, China. Thousands registered to get married today since the number eight is considered very lucky in the Chinese culture. [GETTY IMAGES]
Kiss of deaf: woman loses hearing in passionate pucker
SHANGHAI (AFP) – A passionate kiss ruptured a young woman’s eardrum in southern China, state media reported Monday, in what has been dubbed the “kiss of deaf”.
The 20-something girl from Zhuhai city in Guangdong province was treated by hospital doctors after completely losing the hearing in her left ear, the China Daily reported, citing the Guangzhou Daily.
“The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear,” the treating doctor, surnamed Li, was quoted as saying, adding the woman’s hearing would likely recover in about two months.
The incident prompted newspapers to dispense kissing safety advice.
While kissing is normally very safe, doctors urge people to proceed with caution, the China Daily reported.
“A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in air pressure between the two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum,” said the English-language Shanghai Daily in a story headlined “Kiss of deaf.”
A passionate kiss with what? A giant leech? A vacuum cleaner?
I want the uncensored, pre-emergency room version of events!
(Quit pun-ishing me already.)
As one inclined, to echo what was said of the late great violinist, to leave no tone unSterned, I have, just for our bureau chief from the Central Asian breakaway republic of Kristan, added one more sandy clause to my Subject header above, Already in Regress, dishonoring a 1980s song and band some of my fellow greybeards between 40 and 50 might remember as they fish old pennies from under the cushions en route to finding the remote, aka “the clicker” to beards even greyer, and a few stray c. 1986 Fritos badly in need of masking with Jalapeno bean dip…
I am somewhat dubious about this one. I’ll ask my ENT buddy what he thinks.
I do think you are remiss in not finding this kissing safety advice for us. Surely you can use your internet expertise to find us this vital info for our safety. Tongue or no tongue? Does length of kiss matter? Maybe it is what you are kissing that matters. Inquiring minds want to know.
Steve
With ear drums a-popping, I have the perfect sound track for the video: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
I believe it was Jack Cuss-toe who, under pressure, invented French kissing after being stubbed. Youngsters trying it for the first time often miss, called askew buss.
I always thought headlines invited the reader to come in, but sometime, SL, yours just make my head hurt as I attempt to work out what the heck you mean. Usually I can figure it out (which makes your blog sort of like a trip past the Sphinx, eg “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog do on three legs?”), but not w/r/2 “Earry-Bussy Guangdong Tonight” I’m sure this tags me as inadequate in at least one of several ways, but I will admit to my lack of perfect knowledge of pop culture and plead for help from anyone.
Metanous, free associating nets me a few possibilities: Gary Busey Going Down; tongue of war; throat singing.
Speaking of passage blocking, there’s also the Great Sphinxture: the Epic Glottal Stop.
I think I’ll issue my own gag order, before the rest of you starting hurling at me.
I am pleased to have metanous commenter here today, who is to be commandeered for stepping to the mike before such shameless punderers to their base elements as Franklin and me.
The hapless woman from Quangdong suffered Earry impairment after a wayward Buss [kiss] beat her [ear]drum.
That’s the obvious bit, of course.
Back in 1986, the band Wang Chung had a hit with “Everybody Have Fun Tonight“, one of whose lines, “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight”, also titled a best-of collection from the band, before “inspiring” the concluding clause of a painfully obscure [in at least two senses] Aleksandreian blog-post Subject header in December 2008. “The headscratching provoked by the latter tripled the rate of male pattern blogness in certain pockets of the baldosfear.” - NitiPikia.
Since any Subject header tagged with the highspeed monogram “DSL.” may be correctly assumed to be purely ornamental, and drafted to the Zen-koan sound of one thigh slapping, any readers still remaining who find themselves Bering Strait for the internal headline or teaser launching the post will be ensured a sparing of at least the initial blunt-force cranial trauma reported by many after dispositive provocations that in a nobler age might have reduced the contributorial roster herein by one willing victim of a well-aimed pistol at dawn. My last request, tucked discreetly in my vest pocket – or, if that prove unable to serve, second vest – would be that sigaliris deliver my eulogy while atop a broom, Franklin mint my carcass a pagan chant in memoriam, Harvey build a fence round my plot before skydiving unto it from a plane with my lifeless body strapped to his back, while Steve and Robert debate what the tea leaves of my remaining “201k” portend for the future – what there is of it – of the global political economy.
Homage to Gilda:
“What’s this I hear about protests against bussing? I don’t see how people can be expected to stop kissing each other, and what about the poor babies who’d never get smooched even by their mothers? I mean really…”
“Emily…”
“What?”
“The protests are about putting children on a bus and taking them to a different school. It’s about desegregation, not kissing.”
Pause.
“Never mind.”
You are still missed, Gilda.
Do you want pepper, spear or Double, Scott? Chew on that for a while and let me know. If I’m going to chant in your moriam, I don’t want to gum it up.