Why Iron Man and I had to break up

I’m going to try to upload my thoughts on “Iron Man.” Yes, I know everyone else in the known universe loved this movie. I did not. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, you might prefer not to read this. Warning: language, feminism, spoilery snarling.

I wanted to love this movie. It was well-made. The visuals were snappy and there was acting. Robert Downey was hot, with the exception of that baffling, shoe-polish mustache that made me think of the mask of V. Gwyneth Paltrow kept her dignity insofar as one could. Unlike “Fantastic Four,” it did not go over the edge into campy fantasy, and unlike “X-Men,” it did not take place in an alternate world fantasy universe. It presented itself in a straightforward manner as something that could have happened in the same world we inhabit. Or, at least, the world as we see it presented on TV, where premieres and galas, wars, trips to Malibu, and other events to which we are not invited are displayed for our edification.

However. So many misogynistic and racist fantasies were embedded inextricably into its worldbuilding that I could not enjoy it. I felt that my mind was divided–half unquestioningly agog at spectacle, like the fangirl I used to be, and half wincing violently at every blatant instance of the dominant paradigm smudging every scene with its dirty bootheel.

Yes, in a way it sucks to inhabit a consciousness that has been raised to such exospheric levels. But then, it always sucked to be disincluded in the structures of power and control. It’s just that I felt that suckage less painfully when I could still numb myself by false identification with the male protagonists. 

Iron Man’s putative hotness died a-borning because he was such an asshole. Case in point: He has hot monkey sex with a reporter–the film even descends to the stale, tiresome trope of having them fall off the bed to show hot it is–and then has her rudely ejected by Pepper, come morning. “Sometimes I take out the trash,” says Pepper. Come to think of it, I don’t like Pepper that much either. What a lackey. So, a (presumably) highly qualified, talented and intelligent professional woman becomes “trash” once Tony Stark has finished dumping his semen into her. This is the opposite of a pity fuck. It’s the contempt fuck, in which sex is used to dominate and invalidate a female who has dared to question the hero. She’s not invalidated, of course–except insofar as her willingness to be fucked by Tony Stark shows a pitiable weakness of mind. In spite of that, her questions were right on target. But the fact that the movie panders to those who would think that she could be invalidated by Tony Stark’s Little Iron Man shows what a piece of trash the film is.

Another character who is invalidated by the sheer overwhelming Power of the White Penis is Terrence Howard, totally wasted in the role of an Air Force officer who lets Stark treat him like a servant. Howard’s character, Rhodey, is also right on target with his critique of Stark as a pathetic, self-indulgent jerk with no sense of discipline or self-respect. But how deficient must Rhodey be in essential self-respect, when he allows this playboy to make a shuck ‘n jive, Sammy Davis personal sidekick out of him? Rhodey refers to Stark in a speech as “my great mentor.” WTF? Isn’t a mentor someone who has vital wisdom to impart? Stark has no wisdom for Rhodey, or anyone.

How could a self-respecting armed forces member fail to be offended by the portrayal of airmen in a Humvee sucking up to drunken Tony Stark like a bunch of fanboys? In a war zone, too, where they know that their lives are at stake. And I see Stan Lee is pleased to be playing Hugh Hefner now. Couldn’t they get the real Hef to do his own product placement? I suppose this killed two birds with one stone–identifying the stale cheapness of the Playboy philosophy with Stan’s comics empire. That’s a pretty clear statement that the Hefner mindset made this movie. It was only a moment in the movie, but a moment that crushed another of my illusions. Ah, but the comics themselves were not always corrupt. There were better stories to tell than the one they picked for this travesty, this betrayal of a true sense of wonder.

Oh, but Iron Man CHANGES, right? Stark has an epiphany! Yeah, right. Here’s where the movie’s approximation to reality becomes a pair of cement galoshes to drag this fantasy confection into a murky grave. The sum of Stark’s metanoia is to go back to the unnamed desert war zone and kill some more people–different people, this time. But still victims of his choosing. You don’t have to go all the way back to Viet Nam and the famous photo of a naked little girl screaming in pain and running in panic from American bombs to feel queasy about an invincible white “hero” raining down fire from on high. Images of blackened Iraqi corpses swelling in the desert sun are closer. Yes, we burn people alive in large numbers. That makes us GOOD, I guess. Works for Tony Stark, anyway.

Well, let’s see . . . doesn’t he use some of those justly famed “surgical strikes” to take out bad guys who are threatening women and children? Yes–but does he spare a moment’s thought for them once he’s done shooting? No, the scene doesn’t focus on the safety of the innocent. Instead, it lingers gloatingly on the opportunity for a large crowd of men and boys to beat another bad guy to death. Fun. What’s being defended here is not women’s and children’s right to live. The important thing is men’s right to kill. Even funky brown men can have the mandate to kill, provided it’s handed to them by a white guy.

Another brief cameo by women and children shows up in the final, laughable Battletech-style robot slugfest. A soccer mom in her SUV is dandled like a toy. She’s both comic relief and a pawn in jeopardy. Never a human being. Women in this movie are plot devices, as are non-white men. All power to the rich pale male. I sure hope Samuel L. Jackson will whup Stark’s narrow white ass. But I fear he’s doomed to be a lackey as well.

Build me an Iron Woman who works with the UN to stop arms sales and warfare and to provide refuge for displaced civilians, who has meaningful sex with equals, and who treats her employees with respect. I’ll go see that movie.